Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Trending right now

Things trending on Yahoo the evening of January 10, 2012.
Every once in awhile, I look at the trending topics on one of the sites (search engine, social networking, etc.) and wonder what they have in common...it is a hazard of working as a writer. Here is what trending according to the Yahoo search engine right now: iPhone birthday, Manny Pacquiao, She Smells So Nice, Doomsday Clock, tax planning, 7.3 quake, Twinkles, Snoop Dogg, nicotine therapy, and Gina Carano.

Ok, some of these my fertile mind can connect. For instance, tax planning, nicotine therapy, and the 7.3 quake all tie into the Doomsday Clock. Seriously. C'mon, haven't you tried to do your taxes (or thought about your taxes) while trying to give up smoking? If you have, you have wished for an earthquake or Doomsday to put you out of your misery. And Twinkles are also related to Doomsday because they are the ultimate food---guaranteed to survive any Doomsday (asteriod, nuclear bomb, the coming of Raptochrist). Perhaps the birthday of the iPhone is one of the variables that needs to be accounted for when figuring out when Doomsday is going to occur.

What throws me for the loop is Manny Pacquiao, Snoop Dogg and Gina Carano...then again, if you whisper She Smells So Nice in any of their eyes, it might be a Doomsday for you. So there you have it, the only thing trending on Yahoo right now is Doomsday...which makes me wonder how Mitt Romney is doing. 

Monday, January 2, 2012

Sesame Street Ad 5

Golden Dawn must buy commerical time on Sesame Street.
One of the problems with allowing Sessame Street to support itself with commericals is that some weirdos might decide that it is a good idea to take out a few commericals. It is one thing for the Mormons and the Catholic Church to pay for commericals during Sesame Street to convince young children that membership in their organizations is a good thing; it is whole another thing when organizations like the Necromatic Golden Dawn decide that it is their best interests to teach young children their weird ideas. ("Not only do we have Secret Chiefs, we have the undead Mathers, Westcott and Crowley sitting on the dais just wanting to eat your brains and drink your blood.") I think that Mitt Romney believes that only good Republican and Wall Street backed companies and organizations are going to be able to afford commerical time on Sesame Street, but I am sure that enourgh weirdos want to get their message out that Sesame Street will be mighty tempted to take some unclean dues money from people selling zombie healing techniques and demonic invocations. Right behind them will be the Sisters of Severity (a women mystery tradition filled with wicked Wiccans and pagans) and the Stone Cutters (a men mystery tradition filled with beer and doughnuts).

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Sesame Street Ad 4

The Family First Foundation is proud to bring you Biblical Lessons with Bert and Ernie.
The danger with relying on commericals for your funding is much like the dangers of relying on the government for your funding---if you do not tell the lies that they want you to, then your funding is cut off. If Sesame Street was producing loyal Republican and Wall Street supporters, Mitt Romney would never dream of cutting the funding to the show. Unfortunately, Sesame Street brainwashes young children into being kind to one another, and accepting of one another differences. When Sesame Street has to follow the Romney Plan for Commericalized Federal Budget Fund Raising, some of the characters are going to have to change their behavior if they want to keep their jobs. Two of the Muppets who must get their act together are Bert and Ernie. These two friends need to marry women and quit hanging out with one another. And no more signing of internet petitions supporting gay marriage.

Sesame Street Ad 2

Both you and Elmo need Ritalin, Mitt Romney says so.
Of course, if we follow Mitt Romney's lead and force Sesame Street to support itself through commericals, there are just some products that have to be advertised during that time slot. For instance, I think Ritalin would be an excellent product to advertise during Sesame Street. Look at your child's behavior---does it match Elmo's? Yes? Then your child obviously needs Ritalin. Or some other behavioral controlling drug. Seriously, no one should be as happy as Elmo without the use of some yummy drugs.

Sesame Street Ad 3

Medical Marijuana is proud to bring you Cookie Monster.
Let's be honest. Mitt Romney does have a point---some of the Sesame Street characters would be wonderful for selling tons of products. For instance, if it has sugar in it, Cookie Monster would be your go-to guy. Breakfast cerals, cookies, cakes, cookies, brownies, cookies, danishes, cookies, soda, cookies. If it has sugar, it is yummy. Did I mention that Cookie Monster would be good at selling cookies? Sure, Cookie Monster would not be good at selling fruits and vegatables; but hey, the mark-up on them is not as good as the profit one makes by adding sugar to a food product. Something else Cookie Monster would be good at selling---Medical Marijuana. Given his fondness for cookies (the munchies, perhaps), we all suspect that he has been partaking of the leafy green medicine for a long time.

Sesame Street Ad 1

Today, Big Bird and the letter H is being brought to you by Hooters.
Yes, that is right boys and girls---Mitt Romney thinks that making Big Bird sell his body to Hooters, along with the letter H, is going to help fix the federal budget. After all, both PBS and the NPR receive funds from the Corporation for Public Broadcasting. And such most Americans believe that 1 percent or more goes to the CPB, it is time to chop up Big Bird and dip him into BBQ sauce. Actually, the CPB only recieves .00014 of the federal budget. The Sesame StreetWorkshop claims that the money they recieve from the CPB covers "only a fraction" of the costs of producing Sesame Street. The rest of the funding comes from your parents, other donors, program sales, and the selling of Elmo merchandise. But who are you going to believe Big Bird or a Republican? Remember, if you believe that Big Bird should continue to recieve federal funding, both the Chinese loan sharks and the oil-rich terrorists win, and your mommy and daddy will be forced to plant rice and worship the devil.