Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Binders of women--a new threat issued by Troll Cat

Troll Cat must be a Republican.
I just learned that Troll Cat, otherwise known as the Great and Powerful Merlin, was watching the Presidental debate tonight. I discovered this when I refused to give him more catnip, which he scatters all over the house...which in turn makes my wife a little cross--for some reason, she does not believe that we need catnip scattered everywhere.

Upon my refusal to give him more catnip, Troll Cat pointed out that he has whole binders full of women, some of them crazy cat ladies who would be delighted to give him more catnip; therefore, he could replace me with a much better employee.

Now, unlike Mitt Romney, I am sure that Troll Cat does not have binders full of women...but considering that he will not let me near the files, one can never be sure. So I guess that I better play it safe and just give him some catnip.

As for my wife, well, I imagine that Mitt Romney will allow me access to his vast binders of women to select a new wife--after all, he claims to care about my problems.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Kitty Software Updates

The number one cause of Kitty Software Update failures.
Today was a Windows Update day. About half of all Windows Update days result in me screaming at one of the computers--and not neccessarily at the dinosaur computer. Which brings me to an important question:
Why does Kitty Software Updates fail?
(What did you think that I was going to be normal?! Which blog have you been reading?!)
For instance, I would like the patch for "Do not chase the oldest cat around the house" to successfully install. As it is right now, I have to stand there with the squirt bottle--the cat version of Alt Ctrl Delete--to even get one of other cats to consider the wisdom of chasing him.
Now, let's be fair--Human Software Updates fail all the time. Proof of this can be found in any business, college or mental hospital. In my own case, the "Forgive and Forget" update never seems to install right--periodically, I am told that I should not keep remembering the fact that certain people have proven to be less than reliable. Obviously, it is a software problem--much like my inability to remember any of the math that I learned a couple years ago (or maybe that is just a case of simple bitrot).
So why does Kitty Software fail to install the updates?
My current theory is improper restarts. For instance, one of my cats was asleep the other day, busy downloading the latest update, and his brother just walked over and booped him on the nose. If improper shutdowns can mess up a Windows Update, then surely an improper restart could mess up a Kitty Software Update, right?
And no, the Sanity Update does not work on my particular version of Human Software--I have no idea why that is.