Wednesday, November 23, 2011

My cat has some food issues

Lord Baltarashar thinks that he is the only one that matters.
Those who know my interest in the occult know that I think that some animals act as familiars to their owners, and represent attributes that the magician/witch either has or is developing. Looking at my cat Baltarashar, I hope that this is not true because he has some food issues.

Baltarashar is one of the rescue kittens that we trapped from the feral colony last fall. His mother was wild, or maybe feral, and she was bringing them to our porch to eat. When I spotted them I decided that they needed to be fixed.

I also secretly decided that Baltarashar was going to be my cat. He was the most curious and intelligent kitten of the litter. Unfortunately, his time being a poor kitty has warped his little kitty mind.

For instance, he runs from bowl to bowl at feeding time, sampling everyone's food---after all, I might have given someone else something better. His favorite victim to push out of the way is his brother, Georgie.

Now, I understand having food issues. My wife LOATHES my food issues. For instance, I won't consider eating anything that she might be able to eat until it is on the verge of spoiling. This includes leftovers which she doesn't like eating.

Like my cat, my food issues come from my childhood. I am the oldest of eight kids; and from about seven or eight, I was told that my duty was to sacrifice for my siblings. I often went hungry, so that they could have more food.

My wife has been trying to get me to overcome my food issues for years.

Today, I learned while putting away the groceries that "my cat" has an addititional food issue---he has absolutely no shame about helping himself to food that is meant for later. I am putting stuff in the fridge and I turn around and he is busy opening up a packet of fish. I take it away from him, and wrap it up in plastic wrap. I turn back around, and he has found another bag with fish in it. I tell him to stop that, and he gives me that look that Eddie Izzard's dog does---"Is it wrong for me to eat?"

I understand his point. My food issues and his are caused by the same type of situation---stravation. Except that he might be better at coping with it---maybe---we will see if he becomes a twenty pound cat.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Bacon stuffed deep fried twinkles

Now, normally I do not actually issue actual wisdom on this blog---but today I am going to. Here goes:

If you eat deep-fried bacon stuffed Twinkles, you are going to give yourself a heart attack. Maybe not today, maybe not on Thanksgiving, but soon you will end up taking a ride in an ambulance.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Superhero business cards

I will admit that it never occurred to me what the business cards of superheroes looked like; but never fear, Smosh anaswered the question for all of us.

Thor: For when your god doesn't come to the rescue.

Hawkman: Proficient in maces, spears and other weapons that were menacing in the Paleolitic era.

Spider-Man: Will work for food or course credit.