Disclosure on misnumbered future posts

Just a quick disclosure statement---in a few hours, posts are going to start going live on this blog (Sesame Street ads) and the numbering is going to look like I was ingesting Cookie Monster's Magical Cancer Cure. The numbering is actually the order that I created the jokes. Putting them into the prescheduled system, I mixed them up a little. Thanks for understanding.

A cow based economics lesson

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbor.

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and market it worldwide.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.

Cat workplace

What is wrong with this picture of the cat workplace?

There are a few problems with this picture of cats working. Can you spot them all?

Lazy xmas pizza

Christmas dinner pizza.

There are moments that I realize that some merchants really do not try very hard. And that I really do not want to eat any food that they are selling. Here is a lovely Christmas dinner pizza. Ok, maybe fuglicious is a better description of it.

It looks more like a bachelor's pizza---you know the type that is really poor and too lazy to go to the grocery store.

"Gee, I am hungry. But Pizza Hut doesn't deliver at this time of night. Oh, look a cardboard pizza. But it has no meat on it. Why did I buy this piece of s*** in the first place? Oh look, I have some bacon, and some lunchmeat...hmmm, I wonder how it would taste on a piece of cheese and tomato sauce painted cardboard."

Yes, I swear that this pizza looks like someone just decided to toss some random breakfast sausage, bacon and lunchmeat on it. And for the name, I am guessing that it is only a Xmas pizza because that is merely the next major holiday on the calendar---come back in a few months, and this will be a fuglicious Easter dinner pizza.

Foot in mouth disease Actress Edition



Why you should always be careful about what you say.

Here is an example of a conversation that one does not want to have with one's significant other...or anyone else for that matter. Just keep your knowledge...and your ignorance...to yourself. Remember no good can ever come from admitting that you know an actress.